


Is the Sadness Everlasting?

by wickedlygelphie



Category: The Wicked Years Series - Gregory Maguire, Wicked - All Media Types, Wicked - Schwartz/Holzman
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/F, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Self Harm, Trigger Warnings, destructive mindset, i guess we’ll see where this goes, idrk yet, just like Elphaba and her hat, maybe idk lmao, they deserve each other, we’ll see we’ll see, ye Elphaba is a lil down
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:07:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27260971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wickedlygelphie/pseuds/wickedlygelphie
Summary: Book and musical. Rating might change.Though she would rather not admit it, Elphaba had grown fond of her blonde roommate, yet the change of having a friend is one which Elphaba had not anticipated to be quite so difficult.Takes place after the Oz Dust, and just sort of continues on after that.
Relationships: Elphaba Thropp/Galinda Upland
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	1. Lily of the Valley

**Author's Note:**

> This just sort of came out of nowhere, and I wrote it at like 3AM so it might be a bit messy and confusing, but I hope you can get through it! I’d really like to write a longer story regarding Wicked, and I guess this might be the beginning of it, but my plans for it at the moment are a little all over the place for it at the moment, so we’ll see, sorry about that!
> 
> I hope you enjoy the story, and if you have any thoughts or reflections, feel free to comment them as it helps out a lot :)
> 
> Also, another trigger warning: this story contains implied/referenced self harm, and also depicts having a destructive and intrusive mindset, so if you find any of that triggering, I would suggest not reading this story.

"You're welcome!" Elphaba heard Galinda's voice grow fainter as she hurried down the hallway. Had that just happened? Quickly, Elphaba pulled the pink flower out of her hair and shoved it into the right pocket of her dress. It might not have been the most flattering frock, but it sure was handy that it had pockets. All dresses should have pockets, she thought to herself. Elphaba bumped into at least a dozen party goers as she continued down the staircase to the first floor of Crage Hall, blaming the other students for slowing her down. She most definitely didn't put the blame on herself for arranging her now wild and free hair to cover as much of her face as possible. After more or less running to the Suicide Canal, she looked around one final moment before letting herself fall back against a tree, slowly sinking to the grass beneath her. No one was around, they were most likely still either at the Oz Dust, or in their dorm rooms throwing up the regrets of the night, she thought. In a sudden moment of realisation her stomach turned, and she almost felt as if she needed to throw up herself. Galinda had just called her beautiful. One of the most popular, sought after and pretty girls at all of Shiz had just looked Elphaba straight in the face and told her she looked beautiful. Not only was it and odd thing to hear come from Galinda's mouth more or less five minutes after they decided to stop hating each other, but it was the first time someone had ever called Elphaba beautiful. Never once, in her 17 years in this world, had anyone called her beautiful. Not her mother, though she barely knew her, not her father, not Nessarose, not even Nanny. No one had ever looked at the discoloured girl and called her beautiful. No one except Galinda Arduenna Upland of the upper Uplands. Resting her forehead against her knees, she let a few tears fall free from her eyes. She was indeed allergic to water, but not in the way people imagined. Water left bad burns on her skin, but it definitely wasn't enough to disintegrate her skin to the bone. Then again, she hadn't exactly ever gone swimming, and she wasn't planning on doing so either. Sometimes she felt as if she almost deserved it, the burn. That's why she let herself cry. And even if she didn't deserve it, the temporary pain would be blinding enough to distract from the turmoil of emotions she was feeling. Elphaba Thropp was not a beautiful girl. She had a pointy nose, pointy chin, cheekbones and jawbones that could cut anyone who dared touched them. She had long, messy, black hair, that had spent most of its' life in the state of that hideous braid she always wore. She dressed in dark blues and blacks, she clashed with everything and had never been one for fashion. She never wore makeup of any kind. She couldn't even wash herself properly. And she was green. She was quite frankly the opposite of beautiful, and the relentless teasing from students at school couldn't even compare to the battle she was fighting in her own very head, and losing badly. She wiped a few tears away from her cheeks, letting the burning sensation continue down her fingers and onto her hands. Slowly resting back against the tree again, letting her head fall limp to one side, she closed her eyes and simply tried to shut it all out. Shut the world out. Shut out that stupid voice of Galinda's in her mind that was trying to make her feel beautiful. Elphaba would never be beautiful. And she most definitely would never be loved. It was stupid to even think for a second that Galinda cared.

It wasn't until hours later that a few drunken laughs brought her out of her sleep-like state of being. She had not slept, but she had not been awake either. She had simply been drifting an unattended void. That's what happens when you have no soul, she supposed. Reaching into her pocket she picked up the flower she had shoved in there earlier that night. Galinda was probably wondering where she went, she thought. No, scratch that. No one was wondering where the walking artichoke had gone to clear her mind. It seemed stupid, even to Elphaba herself, yet she couldn't help holding the flower close to her face. She inspected it thoroughly before bringing up to her nose and taking a long deep breath. Despite the time it had spent in her pocket and outside for that matter, it still smelled like Galinda's perfume. Lily of the valley. Elphaba's favourite of Galinda's many perfumes, though she would not admit that to Galinda, let alone herself, though she did find herself lingering a bit longer in the room when Galinda wore that perfume before heading off to where she might be needed. The lily of the valley was a dainty little flower, one which Elphaba had not thought much of when she was younger, but now, under the moonlight and the big pine tree, she realised how perfect the scent was for Galinda. One day, when they were in bloom and she had the time, she would pick a few and place them under her pillow. For no particular reason of course, beside from the fact that she really liked the scent.

Elphaba mindlessly stumbled back to her dorm room, sneaking past every Ama she encountered. They weren't very strict tonight, considering it was the Oz Dust. The stairway in which she had bumped into everyone was now empty, and so was the hallway. The stinging sensation on her face was almost blinding she realised now that her mind had come back down to Oz again. Maybe she had overdone it this time. As long as no one noticed though, she could bare it. After struggling with her key in the lock for an almost embarrassing amount of time she finally got it unlocked, and tip toed into the room as quietly as she could before gently closing the door behind her. The loss of the light from the corridor made the room go pitch black. Well, almost. Galinda had a small nightlight on her nightstand, but it only really lit up that corner of the room. Elphaba smiled lightly to herself as she watched Galinda take slow, heavy breaths. It seemed that whoever the god of sleep was had let her succumb to his power tonight. The same couldn't be said for Elphaba. She looked so peaceful, and so blissfully unaware. Elphaba couldn't help but envy the blonde. She had everything. Everyone liked her. Hell, even Elphaba herself had grown fond of her, even before they were officially friends. She just hadn't dared to show it in fear of rejection, as always.

After finally managing to get a hold of herself and stop the stupid smile that was growing bigger at each passing thought of her roommate, she made her way to the bathroom. There, she gently rubbed oils on the burns on her face and hands. Another peculiarity of her odd skin was its' ability to heal wounds. And most importantly for Elphaba, her face didn't scar. Her hands and the rest of her body did, and so she applied a bit of extra oil there, but her face could be badly wounded one day, and back to normal the next. Thankfully, she thought to herself, the scars which were most commonly found on her hands were shoved into her pockets most of the time and she could simply blame her extensive coverage in clothing on her water allergy. As she walked back out into the room she was met with the faint glow from a pair of glossy eyes. A lump formed in Elphaba's throat as she could feel the eyes stare her down.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you?" Elphaba asked, surprised to find herself feeling a bit guilty. She had never been one for empathy.

"It's okay, I need to use the restroom anyway." Glinda said as she slowly rose from her spot in the bed and sat up, shoulders slumped. “Where did you go?" The question came out of nowhere, and Elphaba let the question hang in the air for a while. 

"I- I just went out to get some air." She said, startled by Galinda's question. Why did she want to know that? "Why?"

"Oh nothing, just wonderin'." Galinda responded as she stood up and walked into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her without another word.

Elphaba took the moment alone to change into her less-than flattering nightgown. As she did so she made sure to keep an eye on the flower hair clip. Just as she was about to go to bed herself Galinda opened the door again. Not being able to stand the odd silence in the room that for some reason bothered her, she reached out a clenched hand to Galinda, who Elphaba was sure gave her a confused expression in response, even though she couldn't exactly see it.

"It's your hair clip. Here, have it." Elphaba reached out further, insisting Galinda took it back.

"No. It's yours now. Keep it, please?" Galinda responded, feeling dumbfounded as to why Elphaba would want to give it back.

"You're sure?" Elphaba asked, removing her extended arm to allow Galinda to pass by her and onward to her bed.

"Positive." Galinda replied sleepily as she passed by Elphaba and sat down on her bed with a deep sigh. “You know, Elphie, you should really try to get some sleep. I've noticed you don't sleep a lot." 

"Well, that just implies that you have trouble sleeping yourself, Miss Galinda." Elphaba replied calmly as she too sat down on her bed opposite of Galinda's. The calmness of her response surprised her, as she inside once again felt startled that her roommate had for one been observing her for such a long time, and two that she cared enough to notice that Elphaba was an insomniac.

"Then how about we both try to get some sleep?" Galinda said before laying down and pulling the covers up over her shoulders. Elphaba couldn't help but notice that she was facing her. Every other night since they moved in Galinda had slept with her back towards her.

"I guess so." Elphaba replied and mirrored Galinda's previous actions. As Elphaba laid down, Galinda noted the fact that the green girl did not turn to face the wall, instead opting to face the open room. To face her. For the first time since school started, she felt like she might get a proper night of sleep, as she felt a lot less alone.

Not another word was spoken that night, as they both drifted off to sleep. Galinda was the first to wake up the next morning, and an instant feeling of peace filled her as she saw her roommate completely knocked out. She didn't care that she had missed the after hours of the Oz Dust with Fiyero, Shenshen and everyone else. She even found herself feeling quite content with this new development with her odd roommate. Intriguing roommate.


	2. Earth and sandalwood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, I’ve been really busy with school and such things! Thank you so much for reading, it means a lot! :)
> 
> (I haven’t had the time to read through this, so if you find any mistakes feel free to point them out so I can correct them!)

As Galinda woke the following morning, she found Elphaba sound asleep. She smiled lightly to herself at the image before her. Elphaba was tucked in under her covers, curled up, with one hand hanging off the side of her bed. Galinda's bed was a lot bigger in comparison, and Elphaba's bed left little to no room for movement. For a long time Galinda had noticed Elphaba's odd sleeping patterns, or lack there of. More often than not Galinda would wake at night and find Elphaba at her desk, reading books about politics and such. On the few occasions they had spoken, Elphaba had mentioned that she didn't really understand what they were about, and read them more as a form of poetry. Her roommate was the Thropp Third Descending after all, so Galinda hadn't questioned her choice in literature. Now though, in hindsight, she wondered if Elphaba really did read it as a form of poetry. Maybe to tire herself out to the point where she no longer could resist sleeping. In their months sharing a room Galinda had only seen Elphaba sleep a handful of times. She was usually up studying when Galinda went to bed, something that had thoroughly annoyed her before, and was gone by the time Galinda woke up the next morning. She couldn't help but feel bad for the green girl. Sure, she too had trouble sleeping sometimes, but Elphaba seemed at night to never sleep at all.

  
As Galinda pondered the thoughts in her mind, she observed Elphaba's sleeping figure. Even before this morning, she had been struck by Elphaba's appearance, and not necessarily in a bad way. Her emerald skin had at times put Galinda in some sort of trance, where she just couldn't look away. This seemed to be one of those times, she thought. She had once managed to steal a glance of Elphaba's bare body when she was changing once. Her green back had been turned against her, and Galinda had taken her chance. Elphaba had a slim figure, but with proper nutrition there was no denying that she would have a curvier figure. As Galinda looked closer she noticed the shadows cast on her back by protruding back bones. There was no questioning the fact that Elphaba's was malnourished, or that she simply chose to not eat enough. Despite all this, even now as Galinda was observing Elphaba's covered body, she couldn't help but find Elphaba a bit attractive. Her eyes widened at the thought and she quickly shuffled out of bed. There was no doubt in her mind that what she was feeling was wrong. Elphaba was nothing but a friend, and that's what Galinda should look upon her as. A friend, not someone she was attracted to. She was attracted to Fiyero. She was sure of that. Absolutely positive.

  
She hurried into the bathroom and started filling up their cracked bathtub. They had been lucky to get a room with a bathroom, although it was in pretty bad shape. Every time she filled the bathtub and made herself comfortable in it it was like a date with destiny. Would it break, or would it hold for another bath. Galinda had since a while back been aware of Elphaba's water allergy, and quietly thanked Lurline that only one of them was able to use the tub. She looked over at the sink, and found an odd bottle standing beside it. She walked over to it and picked it up. She traced her finger below the label. "Burns" it said in Elphaba's loopy, intricate handwriting. Gently removing the cork from the bottle, she put it up to her nose. It smelled of sandalwood and even a bit earthy. Galinda couldn't help but notice that the bottle was almost empty. Putting her curiosity to the side for a moment, she put the small bottle back down and went back to the tub to turn of the water. Gracefully sliding out of her silk nightgown and undergarments, she stepped into the tub, as carefully and lightly as she could. By some miracle it seemed the tub would stand the test of yet another bath. She let the water cover her entire body, and left nothing but her head above the surface. Bathing had always been the best way to clear her mind of unwanted thoughts, such as those of her roommate. Her ever-intriguing roommate.   
  


After draining the tub, she walked back over to the sink again to brush her hair in the mirror. Once again she noticed the bottle of oil. This time, her curiosity took over, and as she walked back out of the bathroom she held it firmly in her hand. Elphaba would probably consider her nosy, but Galinda saw it as nothing more than a friendly gesture to learn more about her friend. By now Elphaba was awake, sitting on her bed reading a book that Galinda recognised from her desk the previous night. It was about the new laws on Animal Banns. Before she had time to do or say anything herself, Elphaba broke the silence in the room by shutting her book. 

"Finally! What were you doing in there? You've been in there for forever!" She said as she put the book aside. "Some of us have classes to get to you know." She continued, more quiet and reserved now.

"I'm so sorry, Elphaba, I was taking a bath." She said cowardly. She hadn't noticed how long she had been in there for. Elphaba made a move to get into the bathroom, but Galinda instinctively stepped in her way to stop her. "Before you go in, can I just ask about something?" She said, unsure of Elphaba's response. In that moment it struck her how little she actually knew about her roommate.  
  


"If you do it quickly, then yes." Elphaba responded reluctantly. It seemed the giggly and happy Elphaba Galinda had gotten to befriend last night was long gone.

Galinda moved her hand out from behind her back and showed Elphaba the bottle. "I found this on the sink, and I was just curious as to what it was." She said and looked down at the bottle, not daring to look Elphaba in the eyes.

"It's for my burns. See? Burns." She answered and traced her finger across the label.

"From your allergy?" Galinda questioned.

"Yes, from my water allergy. Now if you don't mind I really need to use the bathroom." Elphaba responded and took the bottle from Galinda's hand. This forced Galinda to look up at Elphaba.

"Why was it on the sink?" Galinda asked, unsure where their boundaries were. It was better to find out, she figured.

"It was raining last night." Elphaba said and pushed past Galinda into the bathroom. She locked the door behind her and Galinda was left standing in the room. Galinda was sure it hadn't been raining last night, for when she had looked out of the window in search of Elphaba, she had felt the clear presence of a light breeze that almost smelled of summer. It most definitely hadn't been raining.

Galinda made herself comfortable at her vanity and started preparing herself for the day. Her only lecture for the day was sorcery at 2 with Elphaba. As she was combing through her hair again in attempt to dry it faster, there was a knock at the door. She looked around the room for Elphaba, and upon it finding her she assumed she was till in the bathroom. The person on the other side of the door probably wasn't looking for Elphaba anyway, she thought. She stood up to open the door, and on the other side she found Ama Clutch.

"Oh, why, Ama!" Galinda smiled and hugged her. "You're here early." She continued after letting go and resting against the doorframe.

"I'm just here to inform you that the misses Pfannee and Shenshen have requested your presence at the Peach & Kidneys today at 12 for lunch." Ama Clutch said. For a moment Galinda was brought back down to Oz, and into a harsh reality. A reality she had completely forgotten about after last night's events. A world full of honourifics, expectations and boring conversations. Since yesterday she had been in the bubble of her and Elphaba's world. A world were honourifics were dropped as soon as they became friends. A world where she felt like she could be herself, or at least be given the chance to actually figure out who she was. A world where boring conversations were replaced by deep and honest conversations about the evil in the world. It was a harsh world outside of their dorm room door, and it was spearheaded by Shenshen and Pfannee.

"That's awfully sweet of them!" Galinda smiled, fighting to suppress her inner turmoil."Have they recovered from last night?" Despite the realisation of how much she truly hated the life she had, the last thing she would want to be was impolite. That had been drilled into her mind since birth. A lady must always act polite.

"It would seem so." Ama Clutch responded, just as politely as Galinda had asked the question. As much as Galinda loved her Ama, right now she wanted nothing more than to shut the door in her face.

"That's lovely!" She smiled. "Now, if you'll excuse me I do have to hurry up getting ready if I want to make it in time for lunch. You know how much time it takes to make my hair look that good!" She laughed, and started closing the door. Ama Clutch didn't get the chance to say another word before the door gently closed on her.

Galinda let out a sigh of relief. She was back in her little bubble, where she felt like she belonged. As she turned around to head back to her vanity, she was met with Elphaba coming out of the bathroom.

"Who was that?" Elphaba asked as she closed the bathroom door behind her.

“Ama Clutch. She came to tell me that the misses Pfannee and Shenshen wanted to chat with me over lunch." Galinda responded. She couldn't hide how much she dreaded going, but if she was honest with herself, in this little bubble she it didn't feel like she had to hide it either. 

"And you don't want to go?" Elphaba pushed on. It was nice that Elphaba understood without her having to elaborate.

"No, but that doesn't matter." Galinda continued. A slight look of confusion was painted across Elphaba's face, and Galinda turned away from her and sat back down at her vanity.

"What do you mean 'it doesn't matter'? If you don't want to go you shouldn't go?" She said. It was the first time Galinda had heard the green girl confused about anything. Then again, they hadn't spoken much.

"You see Elphaba, social lives are very important in my family, and my social status here at school is a big part of that. I can't simply turn down a lunch with my friends." Galinda struggled to say the last word, but it seemed Elphaba hadn't noticed.

"So weird." Elphaba responded, puzzled by Galinda's way of life. She couldn't wrap her head around the social mould everyone so desperately wanted to fit in to.

The room was left silent after that. It was a comfortable silence, Galinda thought. Usually silence meant someone had said something wrong, or there was a dreadful feeling of judgement hanging in the air, but not here. Not before long, Elphaba had dressed herself in her navy blue blazer and skirt, tied her boots, and braided her hair. Galinda could hear the noise Elphaba was making behind her as the green girl was trying to make the braid look presentable. After turning around she couldn't help but smile at the girl. She had beautiful, long, black hair, that almost looked purple in certain lighting. It was absolutely breathtaking, Galinda thought. Such a shame it was stuck in that braid day in and day out.

“You know, you should really wear your hair down more often. It's really beautiful." Galinda smiled. She couldn't help herself. Elphaba tensed at the compliment, something which Galinda took notice of. 

"Thank you." She said, not looking back at the blonde. The air in the room had suddenly become a lot more charged. Galinda realised Elphaba might not have appreciated her honesty, but if Galinda was being honest with herself there was something truly magical about Elphaba’s hair. After a short moment of silence, Galinda decided to leave it at that, not wanting to upset Elphaba further. “You know,” Elphaba began as she made her way towards the door. The blonde turned back around to face her. “You shouldn’t let people like Shenshen or Pfannee boss you around. Don’t you ever wish you could do what you want to do?” The green girl stared directly at Galinda as she put a green hand on the doorknob, turning it slowly. Galinda could do nothing but stare at her new friend. Of course she wanted to do what she herself would like to do. She would like to tell Shenshen and Pfannee about her interest in architecture. She wanted to talk to them about things other than boys and shopping. They were so incredibly shallow, and Galinda had let herself stoop to their level. She didn’t know how long she sat silent for, but after a while Elphaba simply shrugged her shoulders and left the room, leaving nothing but her earthly scent in her wake. Galinda was left dumbfounded.


End file.
